Why It doesn't suck to be leader

It would be very easy for me to list many things about why it sucks to be a leader, specifically in the church. From my perspective, It seems that everyone is called to lead, but in Matthew 22:14 it says, 'many are called, few are chosen.' I don't want to make it seem like I'm saying I'm special and God chose me amongst the lot. All of us have an invitation and I chose Him, and choosing Him is a sentence to death. To chose Him is to follow Him in all of his ways, even unto death (Revelation 2:10). Thankfully a crown of life is our reward.

The point is, I answered the call, like many of you, and I have walked through many things. I haven't experienced much physical pain or suffering, for which I am thankful. But I have felt the pain of a thousand deaths in my soul. Suffering heartbreak, hurt, disillusionment, confusion, regret, shame, guilt, judgement, etc.. Truthfully, it is at some of these points that people turn away from God, because they can't wrap their head around how God it still good in all things when they've experienced such pain. Its not necessarily that they lose their faith and betray God, but they lose the reckless abandonment in pursuing Jesus that was there at the beginning. I've lost it in times, and I've spent years asking myself "where did my fiery passion disappear to?" And it all goes back to heartbreak because of a girl. Its ridiculous to think that passion and excitement for Jesus + passion and excitement for a girl + girl breaks heart = no passion. It would make sense that in my hurt I would run back to God, but instead the thought and pain of the heartbreak loomed and took out every good thing that was thought to be so firm. Of course Jesus heals all hurts, and if I had know back then how to protect my heart then I wouldn't have been so ravaged. Side note: "Guarding your heart" is not locking it away so that no one has access to it. It is giving it fully to Jesus so that He can nurture and take care it, so when anyone wants to have access to your heart, it must be sought not only through you but also through Jesus. Everyones happy, yay!

So, I'm here. Through it all I can say that I have been faithful, but mostly because He's been faithful to me. I haven't had many places to run before I figure out I need Jesus.

Well I got way off track, sorry, but I think theres a purpose. In Letters of a Modern Mystic, He says, "There is a privilege that preachers can have above others. It is his business to look into the very face of God until he aches with bliss." I dog-eared the page, underlined and wrote above the letter "VERY IMPORTANT TO KNOW." Another side note: I write in all caps, but these are caps for even my handwriting. Leaders have this privilege, to be somewhat 'further ahead' to see what is there and to in turn invite others into the more that is there. It can be very frustrating because a lot of people don't get it even though you may harp on certain topics urging them to take hold of their glorious destiny because you know it will benefit them in their lives then and there and propel them past all the junk that hinders and keeps us from seeing Him more clearly. Its really frustrating. BUT, I can only invite I can't force, I can push and pull but I can't move. Its up to choice.

The main point is that as Leaders, in any aspect, if we are in Him, we get to peer into His glory. Usually we look for a purpose, but once we lock eyes with Him, the purpose drops or changes. We become focused on Him and not the reason we pursued Him. Our hearts encounter Him and they are transformed into hearts more like His. Then when we are released from His gaze, full of wonder, passion, devotion, excitement, courage, vision, and direction then we run to tell those around so they might follow. Then I usually get frustrated to the point where I need God to save me and then I seek His face again. Why don't I encourage others to see His face, and seek his face before I get frustrated? The goal would be much clearer and present at all times. But there are sheep and there are shepherds. Shepherds have a greater responsibility to lead sheep in safe pasture than the sheep do. Its silly to propose sheep could lead more responsibly than a shepherd.

What doesn't suck about being a leader, is that since we have a responsibility to those who follow, it encourages us to seek Him for wisdom and understanding. It draws us closer to Him even more so. I causes us to need Him even more for than just ourselves. Its all a part of becoming more like Jesus. Just as Jesus, coming as a Son, revealed the Father, we being made into Sons and Daughters, reveals the Father even more. What if the more we seek Him, the more it opens the way for others to know Him?