restless

so here I find myself for the second night in a row, not able to close my eyes or slip away into a deep sleep like I usually do around 12:30 at night. Instead I find myself trying to settle my mind from its increased activity.
I am restless.
It's not a bad feeling, but it's incredibly uncomfortable. It's from God.
I can't tell you how many times I've desired to sit and devote some time to my blog and really attempt to develop it and make it into something that a passerby would benefit from. And I have conceived thoughts of beginning a new blog about brewing beer as well. But when I've thought about content, my fingers were dead. The pages in my journal, once filled in their days, are also blank. Now I'm thinking about how rusty my righting skills and creativity have become. Oh and grammar.
Its now wednesday morning, but previously tuesday night and previous to that monday night. Monday night was a prayer meeting with a core group of leaders at a church I'm involved with. We worshiped the Lord and listened for his voice. I was stirred so deeply that I didn't even realize it until later. But it was as if someone had connected a battery charger to my brain. There were so many electrical charges shooting through mind, so many thoughts, so much activity, it was incredibly abnormal. Usually its not difficult for me to settle my mind so that I can rest and sleep, but I could do nothing. I even enjoyed a hot cup of Bedtime tea with orange blossom honey, in hope, to help fall asleep when I came home about 11:30 pm and then attempted to go to bed about 12:30 am. I didn't see sleep until past 4 am.

Tea time.

So now we find me... sleepless... again.
Earlier tonight I was at another prayer meeting that occurs weekly. We worshiped and listened for the voice of the Lord. Again I was stirred and I couldn't shake this sense of restlessness. I eventually spoke up and asked if any of the other 8 in the room felt it. Many replied "yes" but I couldn't help but think that this restlessness was a step beyond what the others were feeling. But, all I am sure of is that this feeling was incredibly new to me. I have felt anxious in the past, obviously bad and not God. I have felt giddy and have not been able to sit still because of joy welling up inside of me, obviously good and God. But to feel so much activity inside of my spirit that I couldn't readily discern if its good or bad, or if its God or not, is so foreign to me. This is what the Lord revealed to me. The Garden of Gethsemane. Jesus becomes so troubled and sorrowful to the point of death because of what is about to take place. Jesus asks three times of His Father to take the cup from him, yet not his will, but his Father's will. After each time he prayed he went to his disciples and found them sleeping though he asked them to stay awake and keep watch with him. The spirit was willing but the flesh was weak. It says they fell asleep because their eyes were heavy.
I cannot say I'm am troubled or distressed even to the point of death but tonight I have found myself asking the Lord to take this restlessness from me. Its almost unbearable. My eyes are heavy, I want to sleep, but its as if my spirit will not allow it.
Last night when I could not sleep, I was prompted by the Lord, very clearly, to get my journal and write. Did i do this? Nope. Instead, I replied, "I am too tired," and then continued to not be able to sleep. Eventually I arose and started watching TV to try and wind down and somehow trick myself into falling tired enough to sleep. Nope. I finished watching TV and returned to my bed, again, not being able to fall asleep.
Tonight I decided to follow the prompts of the Lord and actually obey. I arose from my bed and grabbed my guitar, worshiped for a while and then started writing what I am currently writing.

Conclusion... It is not the time to sleep. It is time to keep watch. I cannot be found unready, or my lamp without oil. Too long have i procrastinated in too many areas in my life. This time is important and it cannot be wasted. Its not as if we're running out of time or some doomsday theory like that, but it is now time for us to arise and become what we were made to be. To live this life as we were blessed to live it in the fullness that was purchased on the cross. No more lack, no more. We were created to live an abundant life and it must not be quenched any longer.

I am not making plea on behalf of Christ's return, though He is coming soon. He is not coming for a boatload of Christians, He is coming for a Bride that is a unity of brothers and sisters in full realization of who they are. Christ is not bringing heaven with him when he comes. When He comes, He will find His Bride living in heaven on earth.

My spirit is willing, but i'm tired. Interestingly enough, Gethsemane means oil press. I will not be found without oil. I will not be found asleep, or unready. I will not be found as a mute dog, unable to bark for lack of understanding.

We must be like watchmen on the walls. Looking, therefore knowing what is coming. We must be like the sons of Isaachar, discerning and understanding the times and seasons, so that we know what to do. Our spirits must awaken and not be overtaken by our heavy eyes. We must come alive and live in the fullness Christ intended for us live in.

What would it look like to live in full realization of God's love and abundance?